All living things like pleasure and dislike pain. As doctors we take an oath to reduce suffering in our patients.
Q: If you want to help someone who is suffering what’s the first thing you need to do?
A: Know where it hurts.
You need to know what bothers a patient so you can start helping. You need to learn what bothers them and why. “I feel old” is their pain. “I feel old because I feel like I’m not meeting potential boyfriends” is why. “I have gender dysphoria” is the pain. “I am misgendered at the supermarket because of my face” is the why.
When you ask to learn in a caring way why a person is hurting you become a trusted confidant who can be a hero by providing a way to ease their discomfort.
The best people in health care are friends with their patients. Friends in that they care to help, ask how you are doing, and offer a sensitive ear as well as good advice. That’s what we do here at The Spiegel Center every day.
